🏆 Official Certificate 🏆

John Brey

World's Greatest Dad, Motorcycle Enthusiast, Bronco Fund Manager,
Garage Kingpin & Professional Jokester

John Brey — being awesome

Seen here: receiving the universal hand-heart salute.
That's the highest Yelp review a dad can get. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

▼ Scroll down for the legend ▼
Motorcycles Owned (Estimated)
1
Windshields Shipped to Europe
(Arrived Smashed)
100s
Die Cast Cars Bought & Sold
#1
Dad Ranking
(Undisputed)

🏰 The Garage Kingdom

John doesn't just have a detached garage — he added on to it. That's the kind of energy we're dealing with. It's part showroom, part workshop, part dealership, part chrome-plating facility.

🏍️

Honda Valkyrie

The flat-six beast. Chrome on chrome on chrome.

🏍️

Honda Gold Wing

The touring throne. Two wheels, infinite comfort.

🏍️

Honda Shadow

Classic cruiser. Probably has more chrome now than when Honda built it.

🚙

New Bronco

Big. Blue. Beautiful. The classic Bronco era kid finally got his modern beast.

🏎️

Bright Green Mustang

Yes, bright green. You WILL see this car coming. No subtlety needed.

🚜

Lawn Tractors

A couple. Because one tractor is never enough when you have a garage to fill.

💰 The Bronco Fund™

📦

The Legendary Windshield Incident

John once sold a spare motorcycle windshield to a buyer in Europe. It arrived completely smashed. Completely. Not "a little cracked" — we're talking puzzle-piece status. The story became immortal.

🔄

Buy. Sell. Chrome. Repeat.

Wheels, windshields, spare parts, chrome accessories — if it bolts onto a motorcycle or Bronco, John has probably bought and sold at least three of them. It's not just a hobby, it's an economic ecosystem powered by Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, and sheer determination. This is how the Bronco Fund stays topped up: buy a part, sell a part, use the delta to buy something bigger. Every chrome accessory on those bikes? Funded by a wheel sale. Every Bronco upgrade? Financed by a trailer flip. The man is a one-person commodities exchange for motor vehicles.

🏎️🚗🚙

Die Cast Empire (1:18 Scale)

John has a serious collection of 1:18 scale die cast model cars — and he doesn't just collect them, he trades them. Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, collectors who know what they're looking for. If you need a specific model in a specific color from a specific year, John probably knows a guy. (He IS the guy.)

🎯 When He's Not in the Garage

🏍️🏍️

Group Rides

Motorcycle rides with his "friends." The quotes are his, not mine — but they seem like real friends.

🃏

Card Night

Monthly game night. What happens at card night stays at card night. (Unless someone loses badly, then everyone hears about it.)

🏓

Pickleball

The fastest-growing sport in America. John was probably playing it before it was cool.

Foosball

Table football. Where the spins are questionable and the victories are legendary.

⛺ Scout Dad Hall of Fame

Before the Bronco Fund and the motorcycle fleet, there were Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, wrestling tournaments, and one very dedicated dad who showed up for all of it.

🤼

Wrestling Tournaments

Weekend warrior dad mode. Drove to every tournament. Probably gave better pep talks than the coach.

🐺

Cub Scouts

First adventures. First badges. First time realizing Dad can build literally anything.

🦅

Boy Scouts

Camps. Hikes. Fires. Knots that nobody remembers how to tie anymore. Dad knew them all.

🏎️

Pinewood Derby

The block of wood + 4 wheels + gravity = the most intense Saturday morning of the year. Dad's aerodynamic advice was on point.

"It's not hoarding if it's motorcycles and die cast cars. It's curating."

— John Brey, probably